Getting Ready for Baby: Preparing Older Siblings

Bringing home a new baby can leave your older child with mixed emotions. Although she may be excited about the new baby, she may also feel jealous and left out. Fortunately, with a little planning, you can help make the transition a smooth and positive one for your toddler or preschooler.

Telling your Child about the New Baby

Time passes much slower for a small child than it does for an adult – nine months could be half a lifetime! For this reason, it is probably better to wait until you are well into your pregnancy before telling your toddler. The idea that there is a baby inside you will make more sense if your child can see that your tummy has grown and maybe even feel movement. You can help your child learn about what is happening and what to expect by reading picture books about how babies grow and about becoming an older brother or sister. It might also help to look at your child’s baby pictures and talk about what it was like when she was a baby. In addition, you might want to let your child help think of a name for your baby.

At the Hospital

 If possible, have the new big brother or sister visit you and your baby at the hospital. Choose a time when there are no other visitors (except Dad, of course). Try to have the baby in the hospital bassinette when your child first comes in. Then focus all your attention on your child – make sure your child knows you missed him and that you are so glad to see him! Even if you don’t actually say it, you want your child to feel reassured that the new baby won’t make you love her less. Introduce your baby to your child as “your baby sister” or “your baby brother”. Try not to talk about how cute, wonderful, and amazing the new baby is. Instead, talk about what an amazing big sister or brother your child will be.

Some parents like to have the new siblings exchange gifts. You may want to have your child bring a gift for the baby and have a gift “from the baby” to your child ready. Another fun idea is to have a nurse take a picture of your whole family together.  Keep the visit short, especially if your child is young. If you have an extended hospital stay, frequent short visits are better than fewer long ones.

At Home

Just like at the hospital, you have two main goals at home. First making sure your older child knows that he or she is still loved and cared for and second establishing his or her new role as “big brother” or “big sister”. Although you want your child to know that the new baby does not change your love for her, the fact is that things will change. She will no longer be the only child in the house. Some children adjust fairly quickly, while others may act out regress. Your potty-trained child may suddenly start having accidents. He might start throwing bedtime tantrums and start crying more. She may also express negative emotions toward the new baby. As much as possible, ignore the negative behaviors and reinforce the positive ones. In addition, try to carve out some time each day to spend with your child without the new baby. Read a story together, do a craft project, or play a game. Whatever you do, make sure your attention is focused just on your older child.

If you will be having people come to visit the new baby during the first few weeks, remind them ahead of time to be sure to give some attention to your older child too. “How do you like being a big brother?” will get old fast. Suggest that your family and friends to ask about other parts of your child’s life – school, friends, a favorite toy etc.

You will also want to find ways for your child to fill the “big sister” or “big brother” role. Find baby-related jobs for your child to do. A toddler can fetch items like diapers, bottles, and toys. She can put the baby’s socks and hat on, sing to baby, bring mom a cup of water while she is nursing, help wash baby in the bath, and brush baby’s hair. If your child is present when a visitor comes to see the baby for the first time, introduce the baby as your child’s little brother or sister, as in “And here is David’s little sister, Lucy!” Comment frequently on what a good big brother or sister your child is, both to your child directly and to others within your child’s hearing.

Becoming a big sister or big brother is a huge transition. It may take some time for your child to get used to not being an “only” anymore. Try to be patient and remember that it won’t be long before your older child barely remembers a time when her younger brother or sister was not a part of her life.

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